oxyjen's News

Worst Treats on Halloween

2007-11-03 20:59:37 by oxyjen
Updated

Trick or treat, smell my feet
Give me something good to eat!

Listen we all know trick-or-treaters show up at your house whether you like it or not, so why not treat them with as the saying goes "something good to eat".

SideNote: Trick-or-treating is an Irish tradition where the wealthy would give food to the poor on Halloween night.

Here is a list of the worst items given out without fail every year at Halloween:

Pennies: Who still gives out pennies on Halloween night!? I wouldn't complain if it was a dollar, but pennies just don't go as far as they used to. And besides IT IS NOT CANDY!

Apples: That isn't candy! That's healthy stuff! Although there has never been any proven documented razorblade in the apple cases, just thinking about it is enough for me to stay away from them. Besides, this is the night for trick or treating, parents give kids apples in their lunchboxes every day! Apples are a lame treat.
Raisins: Nope....Uh-uh...Not going in my mouth on Halloween. Unless, of course, they are Raisinettes!
Stickers: Yeah, SpongeBob and Spiderman stickers are cool, but nobody wants them on Halloween. Now if you want you can give out a piece of candy and a sticker that's fine, but don't just give a sticker. Same theory applies to rub- on tattoos by the way.

Hope you all had a happy halloween.
Check out the rest of the list here Have your own worst treats idea? Share!

Worst Treats on Halloween


Video Game Movies

2007-10-27 11:25:18 by oxyjen
Updated

I went Halloween costume shopping the other day and I was amazed at just how many costumes there are out there are of videogame characters!

Sure I knew heading to the store that I would see umpteenth costumes of cartoon/anime characters such as Yu-gi-oh, SpongeBob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer, but I was surprised to see Mortal Kombat, Link from Legend of Zelda, and Nintendo's Mario, (sorry Luigi unfortunately I didn't see any of you- maybe next year okay buddy?)

Well anyway, all this got me thinking about how videogames are making their way into our everyday lives. From merchandising items such as toys, snacks, and under-roos (oh you laugh, but I bet you all have yours on right now!) to movies.
I think eventually every single video game will be turned into a movie, and I mean every video game.

So far, video game movies have fallen somewhere between campy, and B-movie status. That ain't good.

We all love movies almost as much as we love video games right? But why must filmmakers butcher the heck out of them when they bring the game to the big screen. Unfortunately, we've all seen that happen way too often.

With very few exceptions, videogames have simply, politely speaking "not translated well" into good movies, or even semi-good for that matter.

Put down that controller and pick up your DVD remote and let's take a quick walk down video-game-turned-into-movie-memory-la ne, shall we?

SideNote:
I apologize in advance for bringing up any painful memories, but hey, I'm making a point here!

Super Mario Brothers (1993) - It's the very first film ever based on a video game and its bad- real bad. Bob Hoskins as Mario, Dennis Hopper as King Koopa and even John Leguizamo as Luigi did what they could, but they were not enough to save this stinker. Everything about this thing just looked and felt forced and fake.

So what went wrong? Good question. Years later, people are still looking for an answer. Fans resented the movie for having very little to do with the video game series and changing many facts about the game world.

Let's face it even though Super Mario Brothers is a great video game and a lot of fun, it's still at the end of the day a story about two plumbers who bounce on turtles and mushroom thingy's while trying to rescue a princess. Yup, it turned out as good as it sounds. Budget $42,000,000 -Gross Revenue $20,915,465 (oh no, mama mia!)

Find out how many more of our favorite video games got lost in translation here

Video Game Movies


Gays in Videogames

2007-10-20 09:54:50 by oxyjen
Updated

Homos, Fags, Queers, Marys, Butt Pirates

Oh good, now that I've got your full attention, in honor of this past October 11 being "National Coming Out Day" I thought it would be a good opportunity to tackle a sensitive issue once and for all- the over-hyped use of ambiguously gay characters in videogames.

And to all you snickering and giggling back there all I can say is "Grow up"!

List of Fruit Brutes

Here are just a few characters that haven't quite come out of the proverbial closet just yet:

Makoto - Enchanted Arms
- There is no question about this one folks. No guessin', no speculatin' UbiSoft makes no bones about it, this guy is GAY! In fact they had this to say "Makoto is openly gay and his friends like to call him "yellow otomegokoro."

I looked it up (so you wouldn't have to) otomegokoro means "girl's feeling, maiden's mind".

He's also got quite the fashion sense don'tcha think -with his Kingdom Hearts-like jacket, bare midriff and weird sort of skirt thingy over his pants. And who could miss those lavender Lee Press-On Nails! Even though, most of the guys in this game are pretty girly looking, this guy's the real McCoy!

Voldo - Soul Calibur- C'mon there's no denying that Voldo is one kinky fellow! With his leather bondage costume that seems to be made up of leather bits, armor, a codpiece (I do love a good codpiece) to make ol' Edward Scissorhands jealous as well as his creepy, upside down crab-walk moves and his absolute devotion to his "master". (Hey, have you ever noticed how many of these game guys have a strange attachment to some sort of "Master"?)

Wanna see more of the list? Prance on over here

Gays in Videogames


Breasts In Videogames

2007-10-12 21:34:21 by oxyjen
Updated

Knockers, Ta-tas, Juggies, Boobs, Sweater Puppets, Fun Bags

Oh good, now that I've got your full attention, in honor of October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month I thought it would be a good opportunity to tackle a sensitive issue once and for all- the over-hyped use of breasts in videogames. Now before you all start moaning and groaning don't worry I'm not going to get all preachy or after school special on you.

Be they human, elf, or demon, boobs and video games pretty much go together like peanut butter and jelly.

1.) First off do female video game characters, as sexy as they are really turn men on in some kind of deeply disturbing way?

2.) Can Lara Croft really swing on vines and do acrobatics with those D Cups?

3.) Don't you find it a bit odd that your warrior princess character is trekking through relentless snow and icy weather with only two-bit clothing on?

4.) Did Victoria's Secret come out with a new line of Push up Plate Armor with matching panties, garter belt and shiny stockings recently or something?

5.) Why do they are they so bouncy anyway? They wiggle; they jiggle and are so Jell-O like at times they often bounce by themselves. It's mesmerizing to look at, but real breasts just don't jiggle like that!

6.) What better way to fight an enemy than to expose your dirty pillows to harm them! Works for me every time. (Wink)Wink

For the record I'm not a hater, I'm just trying to keep it real. I've never been one to complain about our culture's obsession with perfect beauty, or to worry that video games will normalize plastic surgery in an already image obsessed society. You won't hear me ranting against well endowed female characters any time soon- I promise.

I personally find the exaggerated size of video game vixen's assets laughable.

It's all bustin' out here

Breasts In Videogames


The Game Plan

2007-10-05 19:23:05 by oxyjen

I went to see the movie "The Game Plan" this past weekend and I'm very surprised to say this but I really, really enjoyed it.
The trailers for this movie made it look so-so and kinda corny but somehow it all just WORKED.
While the critic in me must nitpick a little about the movie's predictable storyline, the woman/mother in me sniffles (even now, days later) with emotion just thinking about how a big bad quarterback turned into a big, sloppy, lovable mush of a man in about 110 minutes, give or take.
It made me all warm and fuzzy inside!

Believe me it would be easy for me to bash this movie (trust me on this; I'm a professional) for being too predictable cookie-cutter but I just can't. Like some sentimental fool, I allowed all of the sweetness to get the better of me and go straight to my heart.

I was never really into him as a wrestler, but I sure do dig Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as a man!
(Clears Throat) But enough about that, I suppose you're here because want to know what this movie is about, right?
So here goes, stop me if you've heard this one before.

"The Game Plan" stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (umm, is he ever going to drop that tag?) as a famous NFL quarterback named Joe Kingman. Joe Kingman is a vain, selfish bachelor who has some wild ways... at least the ones that are approved by Disney that is.

His football team is on its way to the playoffs and Joe is on top of the world, until a little girl named Peyton played by Madison Pettis, shows up on his doorstep claiming to be his daughter that he never knew he had. Joe thinks she's been left by her mother, but actually this 8-year-old little cutie has put together a Mission Impossible caliber master plan in order to be with him.
Long story short, Joe is about to realize what really matters in life has nothing to do with money, product endorsements or even touchdowns-it's all about being a good father and winning the heart of the one little fan that matters the most.

All together now, "Awww!"

Find out if it made all the right plays and tackled the competition here

The Game Plan


Stardust

2007-09-17 23:07:26 by oxyjen
Updated

I went to see the movie "Stardust" the other day and well, I wish I could be more enthusiastic and excited about it; it's stuck somewhere between "didn't completely suck" and "almost decent."

You can't tell, but right now I'm making a sad puppy dog face!

Don't get me wrong or anything I liked it just fine, it was sweet and amusing and nicely done, but...I don't know. I just can't seem to put my finger on why I didn't love it. It's certainly colorful enough and clever enough and jam-packed enough with great actors and all sorts of fantastical CG wonders to gawk at.

It just seems like the wrong time for it, this movie just screams winter release to me. You know that time period between Thanksgiving and Christmas, that's usually the time these type of films to pop up- like "Lord of the Rings" and "Narnia".

Find out if equals out to a tasty witches brew here

Stardust


The Impossible Quiz 2

2007-09-10 23:01:40 by oxyjen
Updated

Forget about watching your weight and cholesterol: the latest health obsession is not with the body but with the mind.
"Brain games" are popping up everywhere these days that focus on the size, weight, age of your noggin' and offer a fun way to test your smarts and potentially make you smarter.

And back by popular demand, it's "The Impossible Quiz 2" the not-quite-a-game game!

The rules may be simple, complete the quiz by answering all of the 100+ questions, but it isn't as easy as it sounds. You'll need quick reflexes, fast mouse skills, insane logic and some good ol' fashioned luck (and it helps to play the original game too.)
I have to admit, since playing "TIQ2", my mind is sharper and clearer, in fact I've learned to speak over a dozen foreign languages fluently, and I can move objects simply by thinking about them!

Impossible? Why, we've all heard the saying," nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it", right? Well, let's put it this way, only 258 people on the planet have completed it. That's 258 out of 6 billion! Think you're pretty darn smart, do ya?

Let's see if you are up for the challenge?
Read why you should set your mind to it here

The Impossible Quiz 2


Superbad

2007-09-03 22:54:26 by oxyjen
Updated

Like millions of Americans, I went to see the movie "Superbad" the other day, but unlike millions of Americans I'm probably the only person on the planet to have anything negative to say about it. But here goes!

I only have myself to blame really, I knew what I was getting into (rude, vulgar humor, filled with bad language- in fact the word "f--k" is used 186 times in the movie!) but after hearing countless accolades about it, such as "classic teen movie of our time" and "funniest teen comedy since "American Pie" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" I decided to give it a chance.

If you didn't already know "Superbad" is another Judd Apatow/Seth Rogen collaboration. First let me start off by saying, I didn't think "Knocked Up" was all that good of a movie, sure it was cute and all, but it certainly didn't deserve all the attention and kudos it received. Sadly neither does "Superbad."

And not just "didn't live up to the hype" kinda thing, more like "it pretty much sucked" kinda thing.

Maybe it's me but I just didn't get it, maybe I'm not the "targeted" audience per se, or maybe I hung around with a different sort of crowd back in high school and can't relate, maybe I'm too old (gasp) to know what teenagers today are actually like, maybe I just don't understand teenage boys and how they relate to each other in general. Or maybe, just maybe I'm someone that goes into a comedy movie and expects to be entertained, laugh and have a good time.

Well that certainly didn't happen here folks and that's Super-Too-Bad!
Yeah, I went there, deal with it!

Sometimes a title is worth a thousand words. Read more here

Superbad


Super Chick Sisters

2007-08-27 22:37:50 by oxyjen
Updated

Admit it, you like meat.
You're not picky, you like all kinds, beef, pork and chicken and every once in a while you enjoy biting into a nice juicy piece of KFC original recipe chicken, right? No harm, no foul as they say!
Well PETA thinks so! In fact they have even gone as far as sponsoring a game called "Super Chick Sisters" and by playing it they hope to shock, shame and downright disgust you!

The premise is an absolute head-scratcher let me tell you, as part of their campaign against the evil poultry giants at KFC they implore/demand that you "kick the bucket" of Finger Lickin' Goodness forever!
You know they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I don't think Nintendo will be all too flattered when it gets a load of the controversial Mario-like platform game "Super Chick Sisters".

You play the game as one of two chicks, Nugget or Chickette, each a blatant rip-off of Mario and Luigi (even down to their little red and green hats), on a quest to rescue the kidnapped Pamela Anderson (Princess Peach) from the evil Colonel Sanders for giving away the KFC secret recipe (apparently the flavor comes from animal cruelty!)

So are you up for the challenge to bring KFC to justice and see to it that the corporation's evil treatment of chickens is stopped?!
Or will they all end up as a bucket of blood with a side of 'slaw?

Check Out More Finger Lickin Goodness Here

Super Chick Sisters


The Rise of Atlantis Review

2007-08-20 22:01:18 by oxyjen
Updated

While I was exploring Newgrounds the other day, I discovered a great game hidden amongst all the other puzzlers called "The Rise of Atlantis".
Few tales are as legendary as the fabled sunken city of Atlantis; and the idea of a lost civilization has captured the interest of people for centuries.
The story whether you decide is true or not (not what we are here to discuss however, moving on!) has been featured many, many times in books (there have been more than 20,000 books written about the lost city in fact!) on TV and in movies and now even in a videogame!

"The Rise of Atlantis" is a match 3 tile-swapping puzzler that will have you traveling
around the Mediterranean collecting all of the7 powers of Poseidon and raising the lost city of Atlantis back to the surface from its watery tomb!

Yeah I know, match 3 gameplay isn't a new concept, and frankly one that has been done to death, in fact I was a little skeptical about it at first too.

But then I said to myself "Hang on a minute now, it looks professional, and polished and it is nice to see a mainstream game featured on NG. "
Now, now don't get me wrong or anything I love playing the small indie games just as much as the rest of ya, all I 'm saying is that it is kinda refreshing sometimes to see...ah heck you know what I am saying!

Discover more about it here.

The Rise of Atlantis Review